I should be sleeping because I have to wake up at 6am but I’m not sleepy. But I am tired just not the way I’m supposed to be tired. I’m tired of pretending everything is alright. I’m tired of looking my mother in the eye and telling her I’m happy and that I think my life is worth living just because I dont want her to blame herself. And I’m tired of telling my dad I’m ok because I don’t want to hear him go on and on about how I’m being melodramatic. And I’m tired of pretending I’m perfect to every other relative because that’s what they expect to see. And if I show a crack in my facade they shun me. And I’m tired of pretending that every time one of my guy friends passes me up for another girl just cause she’s skinny it doesn’t hurt. I’m also tired of pretending I’m not in love with my best friend. And that it didn’t bother me when he told me that people accused him of being gay, but he never once considered going out with me. Not even to stop the rumors. :-(
I'm tired. Not sleepy.